Betrayal...

"Her fate was sealed the instant their eyes locked..she was dead..she just didn’t know it yet..She giddily hugged the love to her heart and ran to him..he embraced her closely. She was just sighing in pleasure when he stabbed her in the back..shocked she looked up with accusing eyes …he smilingly said..”Nothing Personal”.

For you, my daughter..

"In my beginning is my end..My gaze falls on the bundle trustingly sleeping in my arms , my brain greedily captures the sight…for as I despairingly fight for my last breaths, my daughter lustily draws in her first….Death you are not absolute..I shall vanquish you...In my end shall be my beginning."

Tagged..Useless Facts..( was fun though)..

I have never done one of these before, but there is a first time for everything. So here it goes. Thank you Isha for tagging me and giving me this opportunity.



Some Useless Facts About Me:


• What is your current obsession?
The novels by Agatha Christie.. especially the Hercule Poirot series. Dame Christie would have been tremendously pleased to have acquired such an aficionado.


• What are you wearing today?
Black Harem pants and a short black tee!! Umm...incredibly comfortable..not to mention deliciously sexyy..


• What's for dinner today?
Oranges and watermelon…they hold up the scale of health foods sufficiently for me to glutton on chocolates.


• What's the last thing you bought?
 Wat do u think..books . I bought The Blind Assasin by Margaret Atwood ( Winner of 2000 Booker Prize)


• What are you listening to right now?
Mala jau dya na ghari ( Let me go home).. Its a Marathi song from a movie called Natrang...


• What do you think about the person who tagged you?
She’s an integral element of my life’s tapestry who has been very intricately woven with each of its aspect.


• If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Hmmm..I am so greedy.. :P Bt if pinned down ...I would love one either in the stunning city of Paris...or in the big apple...New York..( Please whoever is looking after the real estate..dont forget the house better be in Manhattan)


• What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Sunglasses and short skirts...( Its so freaking hot here already) & a very good Anti tan cream.


• If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Hmm...this is not good..Why only one place...Such miser options...Still...I would go to Nashik( So that I can meet my sweetheart !!)


• Which language do you want to learn?
I would love to be the most multi lingual person in the world...Gaelic and Latin are the ones I would love to learn .


• What’s your favourite quote?
God..anyone who knows me will recognise the perils he has invited by asking me this..I am an absolute English Literature buff..
“ To see a world in a grain of sand ; & heaven in a wild flower
   Hold infinity in the palm of your hand & eternity in an hour." – William Blake ( The Auguries of Innocnece)


“ I do not agree with what you have to say but I will defend to the death your right to say it” - Voltaire


“Nothing begins and nothing ends that is not paid with a moan,
  For we are born in other’s pain and perish in our own” – Francis Thompson


• Who do you want to meet right now?
My best friends ...Its been so long....


• What is your favourite colour?
Black!! Black!! & Black!!..( though when the whim strikes me ..i love red as well)


• Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
Hhmmm... (a)Perfectly shaped nails polished with deep colors.
(b)Stylish eye makeup..especially a good application of Kajal..
(c)A striking haircut..

• What is your dream job?
Dream job.. I wouldn’t say job..but my dream work is to be able to write poignant , thought provoking and thoroughly compelling books..


• What’s your favorite magazine?
Magazines arent really my cup of tea...lonely planet, reader’s digest are what I like ...


• If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

Hah!... Spend the most of it on books...( incase u hadn’t noticed it yet I am a bibilophile) and the rest on clothes or maybe a nice bag..


• What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Wearing a gorgeous designer gown with your lingerie lines clearly visible for anyone to..err...notice..( Appropriate lingerie for each type of clothing is absolutely vital)


• Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
Kim Kardashian


• What kind of haircut do you prefer?
Bangs and Layers...( the one that flutters around your face when u walk..)


• What are you going to do after this?
Oh..I am going to have an afternoon nap and have an very intriguing session of dream entertainment.


• What are your favorite movies?
hmm..Loads and loads...But to name a few Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge,Hum Apke Hain Kaun, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, 88 Minutes, Passion of The Christ, The Hills Have Eyes ,etc, etc..


• What inspires you?
Everything and Nothing...(the civilization enveloping me and the world within me... Life and death, light and shadow)


• What do your friends call you most commonly?
Nicky or Nick generally...Some respect the effort of my parents of naming me proper and use that one only :P


• Would you prefer coffee or tea?
Neither in hot form..Iced Tea..if that counts..


• What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Haunt my house like a ghost , talk to some imaginary people , & if that doesnt work..Dance to some really loud and fast music...:)


• What makes you go wild?
Wild as in a good way or bad??...In a bad way its hypocrisy and betrayal...in a good way..loads of things make me ecstatic..


• Which other blogs do you love visiting?
To be brutally honest..I read the blogs what this girl (who tagged me) asks me to read by holding a gun to my head...


• Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
Yumm..Dark Chocolates, Belgian Chocolate Mousse..in Indian sweets.. I love Jalebi..


• How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
Two...am in a lazy mood rite now...


• Favorite Season?
Winters ...any day, any time, any where ..


• If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Whatever fancies you...


• What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Hmm...depends on who the person is..but I would be terrifyingly polite and socially correct ( it always confuses them)


• What are you afraid of the most?
Shattered dreams....


• When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Ooooooohh..I am pretty..( So go crucify me..I am vain...)


• What brings a smile on your face instantly?
Lots of things... I am pretty cheerful person ( exception only when I am haunting my house)


• A word that you say a lot?
Hmm...( Translation varies from I am only pretending to be listening to you ...to I don’t agree to what you say but Mom said to keep quiet in this case...to thats an interesting point..)


• When was the last time you did something nice?
Oh...Does encouraging someone to achieve their dreams count....Oh wait I remember..I stopped a boy from throwing pebbles on the caged leopard in a Zoo...:)


• What would you do if you were made President of India for one day?
Declare Emergency :P ( Bcoz in our country the President is the Supreme Commander of Defence Forces and rules in time of War ..rest he/she is constitutionally bound to agree with the PM , Cabinet , Lok Sabha..)


• Do you Know who Master SHIFU is?
I didn’t know him by name rather by his face or should I say “raised eyebrows…But I took the pain of finding out ..


So now to do the rituals I shall tag some of my friends and/or blog-friends. If you despise tags and them as a farce, then you are excused. If not then I insist that you complete this tag and share with the world all the useless facts about you. Cheers.


And they are..


Rashmi


Blackbox


NesQuarX




Unexpected Blessings..

She lay on the ground struggling to shield her ears with numb hands, futilely making an attempt to shut out the sounds all around. Ironic, because she had always loved sound in all its manifestations since she was a baby. All kinds of them be it soulful music, the clinking of bracelets, the swish of the skirt on the grass, the rustle of leaves in the breeze, the pitter patter of tiny feet, the sigh of her mother or the booming laughter of her father. Mama, Papa..She thought with a sob, dead, her entire family obliterated instantaneously. Despair crashed onto her like a tidal wave and she fervently prayed that she lost her ability to hear. Maybe then she would not have to listen to this resonance of inhuman pain. At this precise moment she was willing even eager to sell her soul to the devil if that would end the unbearable screams of the mutilated, the heart wrenching cries of toddlers , the animalistic whimpers of infants, the silky moans of the dying and the eerie silence of the dead.

It had been snowing unremittingly and though she was clad only in a sheer cotton dress, she felt nothing. The anguish in her heart had somehow cushioned her against callous veracity. Everything was so surreal that for one blissful moment she coerced herself to believe that it was only a nightmare. Oh but the shrieks, the inhuman screeches dragged her back brutally and compelled her to confront the truth. She glanced around her making an effort trying to haul herself up, summoning her strength but could only lift her head. It was virginal white and pristine all around as if mocking the war everywhere. Snow had smothered each peak and valley, every roof top and pathway was painted with it. It was heaven on earth...no it was just a cruel trickery. For when she looked intimately she could see shallow rivers of blood surging towards her. It seemed that the pure virgin had been debauchered viciously.
The heaven had been usurped by demons and his disciples and the screams were witness that Satan himself was ripping off the wings of angels. One bloody slash at a time savoring the pain he bequeathed upon them and inhaling the delicious aroma of grief. Oh how she yearned to crawl back into safety but the gates of hell had been unbolted and she couldn’t crawl back to the one place she would have been protected, her mother’s womb . Dead she thought desperately, the mother she had rebelled against, fought with, the mother who had sung her lullabies at night and known her deepest uncertainties and potent aspirations. She squeezed her eyes shut to block the images and miraculously and mercifully fell asleep.
He found her curled into herself like fetus and his heart lurched at the thought of another dead child. He started to turn away; he had observed enough death and was unsure if he could see more and not snap and fall across the edge of insanity where he had been teetering for days. As he moved he heard something, thought his mind was playing pranks on him but no, again there was that ….sob? He swiftly crossed the boulder to reach the child and he bent and gently brushed aside the hair masking the face. He realized with a startle that it was a woman, albeit a very young one. But in times like this, innocence and childhood is a luxury no one can afford. As he moved his fingers to feel the pulse her eyes opened. Their gazes locked and the earth stilted, time stilled and his heart stopped.
She should be terrified, the thought floated somewhere deep in the caverns of her mind but she was not. Why? There wasn’t any overt evidence of anything soft and kind about him but yet she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. She stared at him drinking his sight as if painting his face on her mind will erase all her agony and heal her broken spirit. His eyes were a midnight black as was his hair, with a face that seemed to be carved in granite. He couldn’t have been labeled handsome even remotely but his harsh features and razor sharp angles made her feel  as if he was a Greek God at least to her eyes. For a moment he speculated whether he had finally lost his mind, what was this angel doing in hell. But no she was there. He caressed her cheek to reassure himself of her ethereal presence and she trembled. He snatched his hand thinking he had terrorized her even more but she clutched his hand and their hands were locked as their gazes.
If felt as if a hundred lifetimes had raced by but only a few minutes later there was sound of gunfire shattering their fantasy . He pushed her further under the rocks and made his body her armor. Pressed to his back which was as unyielding as the rock, she belatedly wondered who he was and reality burst on her like a cracked dam. She stared at his clothes and only one word reverberated in her mind ….enemy. He was the foe who had wrecked havoc on her world. But why was he jeopardizing his life for her? Was it a maneuver to lull her into a false sense of security, did he some clandestine agenda? He felt her body stiffen and whirled back and noticed the wariness and dread in her eyes. He uttered a simple cluster of words that irrevocably altered her life forever.



                                “Do not fear me angel, I will protect thee with my life”

Till this day she is uncertain as to why she had trusted him that dawn, but trust him she did, with her life, with her freedom and ultimately but inevitably her heart. He had whisked her into the safety of his arms and had given her refuge in a haven she didn’t even know existed. While he was carrying her to his unit, she had wondered with trepidation and horror that her foot soldier will surely be executed for being her savior. But to her absolute astonishment, he was no mere foot soldier but the Captain of his unit. A battle scarred warrior trapped in a war he didn’t desire, combating with an enemy against whom he had no vengeance and seeking to massacre a conscience he wasn’t aware ,was still breathing. That day when she had lost her conviction in humanity she realized that these soldiers were not the adversary. They were just mere pawns in a colossal game of chess that leaders entrusted with power engaged in to quench their bloodlust. When war becomes a hobby for leaders, the rest are only victims.
She reminisces about the days that had come after, how the warrior had soothingly tended her wounds and in restoring her body, had mended her heart. How he hadn’t uttered a single word in his defense when she had hurled venomous accusations at him. Even today she vividly recollects her shock when she had learned how these enemies had tried to save some of her own people and the heart aching revelation that her family had breathed their last by the hands of their own combatants. The demarcation between friends and foes are often smeared by blood.
                      "She reflects on these memoirs as she watches her warrior, no her husband, sleep with a hand stroking her belly where their child is nestled and is secure.Life may not shape into our preconceived moulds but sometimes one is gifted with blessings in a very unexpected package"

Au Revoir, mon ami...



A year has departed…….Even though everyone eagerly anticipates the arrival of a new year with great delight, shining hopes , honest prayers and crossed fingers , the passing of a year is alike a separation with a dear friend which fills the heart with nostalgia. Memories stalk you and no matter where you run they turn up at unexpected alleys and compel you to take an intimate glimpse at one’s saga so far.
At times this year sprinted at breakneck speed urging one to buck up; lest you are the one being left behind, at others it meandered unsure of itself and apprehensive of the busy boulevards ahead. Yet there were instances when it sauntered away smelling the wildflowers along the way. But there were many ,many occasions that it came to an abrupt halt jarring one from his comfort zone.
There were exhilarating new encounters and somber goodbyes. A few friends metamorphosed into strangers making one question the illusion of permanency enveloping our lives. And certain strangers weaved themselves into the fabric of our lives reassuring us that we aren’t deserted in our joys and sorrows, smiles and tears, anguish and solace and more imperatively in life or death.
It brought with it new beginnings and old ends. New journeys, novel experiences and same old; same old me. Am I? Am I identical to who I was the year before or did I transform with my experiences, hard lessons, fulfilled dreams and shattered hopes? Was I a mere spectator in my own life’s production, unscathed by tragedy, indifferent to sighs and whispers of a lover and unappreciative of my happiness? I would not admit it as the truth for I know that each breath altered me a little and yet the more remained the same. Yet when the dusk settles in, it does not matter as in each beat of my heart, every flutter of my eyelashes and all the pulsing in my blood there was irrefutable evidence that I was alive. And living is the greatest adventure of all.



So this is my personal ode to the passing year. I say a bittersweet goodbye to you old friend and ask that in spirit of our cherished time together you pardon my sins, revel in my triumphs, shed a few tears for my defeats, and pray that my new friend treats me as warmly as you did. In return I wish that you fade into the night with the same feat with which you were born. Au revoir , mon ami…..

Guilty pleasures…(Just for Women)


Love may very well make the world go round but it’s actually the wicked indulgences that really put a spin to it. We live to seek pleasure and will die for it in an instant. Hedonism is the new religion and the means to attain gratification; the new Bible. People can feel good through innumerable modes but the ones that are finest have a sense of guilt attached to it. An unrestricted date can never match the exhilaration of a clandestine encounter with one’s lover. Pleasure that makes the heart sigh and ache simultaneously. Love that doesn’t make goose bumps race through your skin and steal your breath away at the sight of your man isn’t worth all the tears and despair. So even amongst all the sniffles and desolation, you know that you rather be at that crossroads than swap places with God Himself.

Guilty Pleasures are all about the forbidden. The saga began with Adam & Eve partaking a bite of the glossy apple and the subsequent generations have redefined and recreated the concept of illicit bliss. Let’s take a glance at a few delights that tingle women despite of its “alleged” ramifications.

The sinful melting of dark chocolate that takes the taste buds to the edge of ecstasy, the caress of silky, satiny lingerie that brings remembrances of a lover’s touch. The soft yielding in the arms of a man unheeding all social mores, the impulsive thoughts of hot sensuous lips amidst a tedious conference at work. The sudden crave for luxurious wine when household expenses are falling short. The unsophisticated gossip under the pretense of social obligations, and the gleeful observation of another’s misery through façade of sympathy. The premeditated murder of your feet with high heels in pursuance of sexy legs and the quiet seduction of a stranger in a public place. The abrupt appearance of a different man’s face while cuddling with your boyfriend and the covet desire for another woman’s man.

And finally, the hunger and yearn for a mind boggling, earth shattering romance despite of being one half of a stable & secure relationship. I could probably speak of a thousand more Guilty Pleasures but they wouldn’t be as naughty as these nor would they beckon us with such temptation. I know it probably doesn’t portray the virginal and submissive picture that men generally want to see but hey it does adds a dash of spice in life…what say girls.

Just a thought...

It often strikes me how ironical it is to wallow in self pity cursing one's solitude when the problem of over population tries to push and shove its way before our eyes to get attention. The poor mother Earth is bursting at the seams and most of its inhabitants keep complaining about lonliness. Just cements the fact that what self centred species we are.

           I am forced to wonder whether the component of humanity in our blood has evolved into callousness and indifference or maybe our brains simply refuse to process the fact that in order to be on the receiving side of affection and companionship, one has to offer it as well.And if this criteria is too much for my fellow homo sapiens to meet then we might as well blow up land to make space and channel all our resources in the creation and manufacturing of a robot which provides emotional warmth on command. So like a well trained canine that jumps and wags its tail according to its master's whim ;the robot may hug, kiss, etc, etc at the snap of the fingertips. I just hope when scientists and the "brain men" are busy on this gargantuan invention, someone ensures that this robot's body exudes warmth otherwise what will be the point of getting a hug from the guy. If that's not possible then one might as well go and hug the living room couch and pretend that its his best buddy. Why spend money on the aforesaid robot, might as well spend it on a chilled pinot noir.
            Oh by the way if anyone reading this has a doubt and it would really take a person whose IQ matches that of a turnip, I am being sarcastic If I go on to suggest someone to look at the bigger picture in life and believe in love and affection, I would be wasting my breath. On the top of that most likely face accusations of being pompous , so I am just saving myself some grief, not to mention a headche and the task of pointing out the consequences of being aloof and conviniently forgetting that friendship express is not one way........
How's that as food for thought??